Last night, as I was getting the grey covered, I started to feel the butterflies. I'm very, very nervous about tonight. Will people show up? Will we have 20 guests or 200? This is the problem with these events: there is never a clear picture as to what the turnout will be. I must admit that at this point, I am more concerned about frizzy hair than anything else. The rain makes everything sort of go *poof*.

I picked up the printing last night. These are the postcards for the group:

I'm not completely thriller with it but I do love the logo and the slogan. I have no formal graphics taining but stumbling through the menus of Adobe Illustrator produced this. I'm a little more comfortable with the program now and looking forward to the next "project".

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I will post some pictures of the evening's festivities over the weekend!

PS. Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out SLiTHER at your nearest theatre. The reviews have been quite good! (Sorry, I HAD to advertise!)

It never ceases to amaze me how reading can influence one's life. I believe we are creatures of our environment. Television, movies, fashion, music, friends - they all play a part in shaping individuals but I always find books more personal. For me, it's the fact that as much as one reads in public, the actual act of decompiling and understanding is extremely personal and I find that I often react to books much more strongly that I do to something visual. I blame it on my overactive imagination.

Earlier this week I started reading James Frey's book A Million Little Pieces. It was a bookclub selection that I was going to pass over but there were enough people talking and recommending this as a good read that I thought I'd give it a try. Before picking up the book, I knew that he'd been on Oprah and I had heard rumours about issues surrounding the book but I knew little else.

The first 50 pages were gruesome to read. I can take gore when it's in the context of movies or television but give it to me in a book with rich language that describes the pain and I get a bit faint. I stopped twice over those first pages. I'm glad I continued.

Regardless of the ongoing battle of whether this is pure memoir or whether it has been embellished, the book is what it is: an insightful look into the mind of an addict and the struggles faced by them. I am surprised at how strongly I've reacted to this book, especially considering that I almost chose not to read it. Some books tell a message with intricate and rich language. This one resonates despair, fear, chaos, calm, frailty and hope in simple, concise and sometimes brutal language.

If for no other reason, I would recommend this as something to read when you need to get yourself up as a reminder that things could be worse - hold on and things will get better. The message is clear. For me, reading this encouraged me to re-evaluate my situation, my actions and my goals.

I sometimes wonder when bending the rules turns into breaking the rules and from here - when does one say something?

It's a small office. I answer the phones at all times except for the 30 minutes in the morning between 8:30 and 9:00AM (when the office is open but I don't start until 9:00) and then during my 30 minute lunch break which starts promptly at 12:30 as per the boss' request. During these few times, the accountant answers the phone. So what happens when she's away?

Take today for example. Accountant has the day off. I start at 8:30AM and work an extra half an hour (which I am NOT paid for but it is added into a time pool - OK by me). The office manager (who also happens to be one of the owners) is out and about town and in no hurry to "pop into the office". Of course, I can't possibly leave my post. Even for a minute. What this means for me: I've been here nearly 6 hours without a break. No lunch, no coffee, no nature break. Even the most tyrannous boss will allow a nature break no? If this was the first time, I could maybe let it go but it's NOT the first time. It has happened so often that I've lost track.

I only mention this now because I had a late night (2AM I saw the bedroom) and I've had a few cups of coffee and now I need to PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

D and I had an appointment at the bank Saturday morning. For the first time in nearly four years, I feel as though I have some control over my finances. When I met D, I had just started getting used to having money, savings, being able to buy a "big ticket item" once in a while. Four years into our relationship, we moved in together. This required the purchasing of furniture. But rather than just buy furniture, we also spent money on a 'toys'. Then he lost his job. Unemployed for nearly a year. School for another and unemployed for a third. I was eventually sucked into a consolidation loan at an astronomical interest rate. The bank decided I was too big of a risk. I didn't reallly have a choice. Now, I pay an insane amount of interest every month, I still have bills that were never included in the consolidation that have started to affect my credit rating. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lousy saver, heck, I'll admit it: I can't save a dime (unless it's for a short term goal, then I seem to be ok).

So we finally went to the bank, spoke to an advisor and started proceedings to consolidate through the bank at a much lower interest rate. The plan, if it is approved, would also include a savings plan. Worse comes to worse, the bank will not approve the loan and we'll have to keep paying the astronomical interest. Even if this is the case, I still want to proceed with the saving's plan. I hope this works. I felt immediately better when I left the bank and nothing had even been approved yet. We'll find out later this week as to the result of our request.

I'm nervous and excited. It's the beginning of our new life.

We (myself and two other members of one of my 'organizations') are setting up an afterparty for the Vancouver "Slither" premiere. This is a list of things to do before now and Friday afternoon:

1. Confirm show time with theatre.
2. Finalize food and drinks for afterparty.
3. Design postcard.
4. Arrange for postcard printing.
5. Figure out how to get postcards picked up before Friday (considering store is only open 9-5 ARGH!)
6. Prepare goody bags for hand out.
7. Figure out how to pay for printing WITHOUT a credit card.
8. Keep fingers crossed that Nathan hears about the event from one of the many places it has been posted.
9. Keep fingers crossed that Nathan hears about the event from one of the many places it has been posted.
10. Keep fingers crossed that Nathan hears about the event from one of the many places it has been posted.

That's the to do list. If you have a few spare fingers, please cross them for us. If this goes well, we may be able to start contacting distributors to provide us with "stuff" and perhaps even money to set up afterparties for other films...

On a vaguely related topic, we did our scouting yesterday. It was cold and rainy but all the standing around paid off....sort of. We did spot Nathan moving from the car to the set and then walking around on set. However, we didn't want to come accross as being too "forceful" so we stayed far, far away. We do have a couple of picutures of the set from a distance. All things considered, we had a fabulous time just chatting up a storm for a few hours. I'll see if I can't post at least one of the pictures from the shoot.

The term "Captain Tight Pants" is familiar to Firefly/Serenity fans who are aware of Nathan Fillion's tight pants. A few weeks ago I had a little rant about Nathan being in town filming White Noise 2 (I STILL can't figure out what prompted a sequel for this pathetic original). A fellow Fan informed me yesterday that she has been tipped off on the location of some filming on Sunday night. This means that for a few hours on Sunday afternoon/night, we will be propping ourselves near the filming site with thermoses full of coffee/hot chocolate, cameras and items that can potentially be autographed. Yes, I realize that this sounds slightly stalker-ish but in reality, it's simply an excuse to spend a few hours with friends, talking movies.

I'm looking forward to a drink tonight. Perhaps a few "dirty hookers"...

I've always thought that ChickLit was a bit of a fad tied into the entire "Sex and the City" phenomena but I was obviously wrong. "Sex and the City" is long gone but the books are still being pumped out at the speed of light. And today, while reading Belle's blog, I followed some links and discovered that there are a number of bloggers out there who have gone from blog, to book, to TV. Now rather than reading about the latest escapades, we're going to see them on the small screen. I'm not sure how well this is going to fare. SatC was a huge success because it was different but I'm not convinced that similar shows will have the same impact. As for the lit, I don't mind a good trashy novel once in a while but it has never been, and will never be, my favoured choice of reading material.

On a reading note, yet completely unrelated to chicks, I am reading James Frey's book "A Million Little Pieces" for a bookclub. I had hear bits and pieces of the controversy surrounding and the insert cleared things up a little more but to be completely honest, I'm not all that interested. It is a good story which is difficult to put down but it's more than a little depressing.

Comic-Con, Dragon-Con, Emerald-Con, Com-Con, Trek-Con etc. etc. etc.

The list is endless and now I've been sucked into the depths of V-Con: Vancouver's answer to all of the above. It's amazing what Fandom can accomplished when members unite for a cause but V-Con is not doing as well as it could. The organizing committee is piled high with bodies but action seems to be lacking. We've provided ideas on everything from promotions to possible guests (including contact information) and it all seems to be floating uselessly in an abyss.

We have decided that if called upon, we will provide all of the help that we can but until we are formally asked, we will forgo sending any further information. In the meantime, we will continued to plan for a fabulous Browncoat table. At this point, there is little else we can do (other than plan a great party for the Slither release).

I watch more than my share and now, there's a new home for my thoughts.

MAD About Movies - the blog.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N in the summer sun

Put away the books, we're out of school
The weather's warm but we'll play it cool
We're on vacation, havin' lots of fun
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N in the summer sun

Connie Francis had it right, or did she? There is a new type of vacation on the horizon and it includes dehydrated food pouches, weightlessness and stars.

There appears to have been a recent boom in the production of craft that will facilitate space tourism, as an industry. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this yet but I wonder what Arthur C. Clarke would think of this possibility?

But feeling mighty yellow.

It was time for a change. Something brighter, more upbeat, more in tune with the coming season.

Sleep finally came near 3 AM and the alarm shrieked at 6:30. Not enough sleep but I'm feeling energized. Looking forward to a weekend of friends, drinks and relaxation.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

It's 12:43 AM and I can't get to sleep. The bed doesn't look comfortable. The sofa and blanket don't appeal either. I can hear him snoring in the other room and I'm wishing I could feel that slumber. I know my body requires the sleep but I just can't bring myself to lay down.

My mother is in the other room, camped out in front of the television, book on lap, remote in hand, wrapped in the electric warmth of a blanket, patiently waiting for sleep to come and if not sleep, at least a tiredness which demands a sleeplike rest.

I am going to attempt sleep for the second time tonight.

There are many things that I miss about highschool and even my time in university. I miss the daily routine of classes. I miss being able to skip a few hours or an entire day and not have to deal with major consequences and getting over it with the simple line "I wasn't feeling good". I miss outdoor classes in the summer, gym classes outside, spares and study sessions in the library with a good book or outside with coffee, a smoke and a good book. I miss seeing friends every day, the clubs, the lunch time activities but most of all, I miss holidays. I miss spring break, summer break, christmas break and professional days.

Seeing all the teeny boppers out and about town this week has reminded me of how much I dislike working in an office, being inside all day, having to account for time spent away from my desk and not being able to take a day off if I want to. To be truthful, I could take a day off but thinking of what would await me upon return makes me queasy. I can just imagine the stacks of filing, typing and general paper that would accumulate over a 7.5 hour period.

When I think of how much I dislike this job, I can't help but imagine where I'll be in a few years, degree in hand, library doors swinging wide for my first entrance as an employee rather than a customer. Other images sneak in occasionally. A position working in an office but one where I make my own schedule, where I don't account for every moment of the day and where slipping into a daydream for a few moments in the afternoon and missing a phone call is not a criminal offence punishable by a meeting with the boss.

The dream lives on.

As a child, I didn't share the aspirations of other munchkins. I had no interest in being an astronaut, a firefighter, a musician or an actor. As far back as I can remember I've wanted to change the world through writing. For years my parents commented on how reporting was always one sided and how there was always another side to the story, even if you were already telling two or three sides. This sparked a love for journalism and when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I proudly announced "A journalist! I want to report on all sides of the story."

In highschool, I discovered another kind of writing; the creative kind. By the time I graduated, I had been smitten by the writing bug and thought I confess to writing some not so memorable poems and short stories, there are a couple of good ones that I'm rather proud of. In my short first stint at university, I spent most of my twenty four hours cooped up at the student newspaper HQ, conducting interviews, writing stories, editing, proofing, smoking and, occasionally, drinking. After a year of writing news, I was given the opportunity to review an art show. The freedom of reviewing struck a cord and slowly, I migrated to the "culture" side of the paper. I spent three blissfull years pouring my insides onto paper and then APEC happened. To this day, the APEC ordeal is one of the most traumatic and life changing events that I have experienced. More than just proving to me that authority will always be abused, even by the individuals with the best intentions, it also left a gaping whole in my writing and since then, I have written little other than term papers and blog entries.

At my bookcrossing meeting yesterday, someone released a variety of writing books and it reminded me of this passion which now seems so far in the past. Where I was once carried a book and pen everywhere and was constantly writting down thoughts, phrases and words, I am now content to simply read someone elses thoughts, phrases and words.

Will my passion ever re-emerge or has it been lost for ever?

I hate this weather. Just as I thought that things were starting to clear up and warm up, the rain and wind comes back. At leat I'm not cold in the office this morning.

It was a slow work day yesterday. I did manage to get lots of cleaning up done. I wish the boss would just upgrade this bloody computer. If I had a burner installed, I could have backed up the entire thing in an hour. This way, I had to zip all of the files and save everything onto 3.5" floppies. It took 3 days. What a nightmare. And she expects me to do this weekly. I don't think so. I've gotten into the habit of backing up files as I go and doing a system backup once a month. It's not the best solution but I'm working with limited resources here!

I went to see The Libertine yesterday and I must say that I was rather disappointed. Though Johnny Depp was fabulous as the Earl of Rochester, the story was a bit discombobulated and jumped around, sometimes leaving you wondering what the heck was going on. I really liked the prologue which is spoken by Depp in near darkness. It was not only a good piece of writing but it was also beautifully and emotionally recited. I wonder why Depp has never performed Shakespeare...I think he'd be great at it. The other thing I really liked that added great mood to the film was the setting. No embelishments here. The roads were muddy, the people filthy, and even the "rich" surroundings of the theatre and the King's home all have a feeling of filth. In one scene, as the King is talking, you see one of his dogs releave himself in the middle of the hall. And by the end of the movie, Depp has deteriorated to the point where you don't even want to look at him. It's simply told as it was: dirty. John Malkovich is nearly unrecognizable as Charles II. Other than the voice and the credits, one would have a hard time spotting him. In the end, the strong performances are really not enough to make this a great movie. It's worth seeing, but definately a rental. If a period piece about a wicked and twisted man is what you're looking for, Quills is a much better movie all around.

I'm not sure why but I'm just not in the mood to be here today. I just want to go home, cozy up in bed with a book and read until I fall asleep. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm freezing in the office. My fingers are cold as ice and I keep feeling a draft up my leg. The sad thing is that everyone else appears to be ok so I'm suffering quietly. I can't wait to cozy up with my blanket.

The weekend was rather uneventful. I went to my first BIFF (the Burrard Inlet Fan Fellowship) meeting on Friday night and it was great fun. So much fan that I plan to go again this Friday. I think this might just turn into a regular Friday night thing for me. Saturday I went and had my eyes checked and I now have glasses. It's a light perscription that seriously help sharpen up distance and stuff. The optometrist recommended I use them to watch TV, movies, and at night. I got a steal of a deal on frames and lenses and after the refund from the insurance company, the entire thing, including the exam, will have cost me $100. Not bad.

Sunday was the beginning of the end of The Sopranos. One episode and we've had one 'wacking' and 2 deaths. I think it's going to be a particularly bloody last season. Immediately after that, I watched the series premiere of Big Love. The preview looked great and the pilot didn't disappoint. I think it's going to be a keeper!

I can't express how thrilled I am that it's Friday! It's been a strange week and I'm glad it's almost over. I met up with a few people from the Firefly/Serenity Meetup yesterday. There are a couple of guys in town from Winnipeg doing a gaming convention and we all met up for coffee last night. What great fun. I always enjoy myself with those guys.

A date has been selected for the group viewing of Slither with the ever fabulous Nathan Fillion (I'm trying very hard not to drool....). We also got some inside information that he's in town filming White Noise 2. OK. I like to hear that the guy is working but come on...WN2???? The first one was awful!!!! How they've decided to make a second one is beyond me. I'm not sure how the decisions about which movies get made and which don't. Though Serenity didn't break any box office records, it did well enough and kicked butt in DVD sales but no talk of a sequel. White Noise was all around loser and it still gets funding for a second movie????? I just don't get it.

Jenn-jr...if you're out there, have a great "last day" and good luck on Monday at the new job!

Have a great weekend everyone!

It's March. Generally by this time of year, the trees are blooming and the ground is soft and ready for growth but i don't think that's going to be the case this year. It's snowing. Everywhere. There was a small blanket of snow at my place this morning. North Van and Richmond had quite the dumping and as I came in this morning, it started to snow Downtown. You should see it now. It's falling hard.

Is this going to be enought to wake folks about here up regarding global warming. Everyone's been talking about it for years but will this freak spring snowstorm be enough to cause people to question what's going on. The stranger the weather gets, the more I think of The Day After Tomorrow and the more I start to worry that maybe this story isn't quite so far fetched. Maybe not quite like in the movie but at some point, a point that I feel is dangerously close, SOMETHING will happen. It's not just a matter of keeping things good for the kids anymore. I think we may have a major event in our lifetimes. That scares me a little.

On a completely unrelated note, I saw {proof} last night. It's a good little movie. Takes a little too much from A Beautiful Mind but it's different enought that it still feels like a new story. Great perfomance by Gwentyh Paltrow too. Not to mention the very handsome Jake Gyllenhaal...

I just don't know what to write about today. How about I bitch for a minute. Bear with me.

Dan's best bud, we'll call him Special K, is going through a tough time. His wife, call her Rav, quit her job a few weeks ago. She's kind of self employed: she runs a business that sells her skills (in database creation) and she gets herself employment contracts. She'd been with the same company for the last 5 years and it was starting to look like she was going to get on as a regular employee when IT happened. She was in a meeting with her boss, he said something to her about how the database wasn't working quite the way they wanted it to and she lost it. She told her boss that they didn't pay her enough to worry about "shit like that" and then she told him that they could all just "fucking leave her alone". Now, keep in mind that she negotiated her own salary and it has gone up every year she's been there. She quit before they had a chance to fire her. Not such a big deal if you're a student and living at home but that's not her situation. Before she quit, she apparently forgot that: 1) she's married and has to worry about more than just herself 2) she has a mortgage 3) she has a car payment 4) she has to pay bills 5) she need to eat and, oh yeah 6) has limited savings account to work with. Forget taking into consideration that she makes more than hubby and that he can't possibly take car of everything on his own. So what did poor Special K have to do? He went out and got A SECOND JOB. When Dan told me this, I couldn't believe it.

So now she's been unemployed for a little over a month. She's gone on 3 interviews in that time period. "I just don't want to do the same shit as before" is her excuse. Then, last week she said she was stressed out and needed to go home. Wait a sec....back up. You're unemployed, you can barely pay all the bills and you want to spend god knows how much money to go visit dad in England???? WHAT?????? And then yesterday Dan tells me that she was supposed to go out job hunting on Monday but instead, she bought a pair of shoes and spent the day with her 'best bud'. Some 'bud'. I'd be telling her to freakin' GROW UP! To boot, she appears to have forgotten that she has no money to buy shoes and that her husband is working nearly 17 hours a day to keep them afloat. Is it just me or that seem wrong to anyone else?

I feel bad for Special K because he's such a nice guy. It's no surprise that he and Dan get along so well, they're so similar it's scary. From the moment I met her I didn't particularly like her but, she's his wife and he's our friend. At this rate, I doubt that "daddy's girl" is going to be around for much longer. There goes marriage number 2.

Thanks for bearing with me. That's all the bitching for a while, promise.

It's amazing the things that pop into one's head while reading other blogs. This morning, I was reading wiccachicky's blog on scent and it revived a little memory that had been hiding in the back of my head.

My sister and I were shipped off to Portugal in early '87 while my parents finished things up in Venezuela where we'd been living since early '82. It was no longer safe for the family there and my parents were afraid to have us there so they sent us ahead to Portugal and while there, we lived with my maternal grandparents. For over a year, they were mom and dad to us and we, in return, are like their adopted children. To this day, my sister and I have a closer connection to my grandmother than any of the other grandkids because we were the only two born and raised with them.

In '89, my parents moved us here and my grandparents stayed in Portugal. Though they travelled back and forth in six month incriment while my grandfather was alive (he didn't like it here), it was still odd not having them there all the time.

A year after my grandfather died, my grandmother moved out here permanently. There's nothing left for her there other than distant family and all her children and grandchildren are here so now she travels back for 3 months every year to get a feel of home and to check on her house and see friends. Shortly after coming out there, she was at my mom's place one day and she was talking about how lonely it was for her and grandpa after we'd left. One day, when they were turning the mattress in the bedroom that Claudia and I had shared, they found a long stray hair (mine) tucked under the mattress cover. She said that when they saw it, they both stopped and cried. The hair reminded them of us.

Whenever I think of my grandfather crying over something so small, it tightens my heart a bit. Though I loved him, he was not the type to show emotion often and the fact that he cried over something so small, reminds me that regardless of what he showed, he loved us. I can't imagine how I'm ever going to handle grandma's passing. I hope it's not for a long, long long long time.

So the biggest award show of the year is now under the belt and the prep for next year has begun. It's been quite a race but it was well worth it. We had some friends over yesterday for a little "party" to oogle at stars and try our luck at guessing winners. It was great company, great food and great watching. I particularly liked the cheering that accompanied the big upset win of big picture. It was a great way to end the night.

I really enjoyed Jon Stewart's commentary. It would be great to have him back for next year though I guess it'll become apparent what everyone else thought of his performance as the week progresses. He had some really memorable commentary but my favourite: "For those of you keeping track at home, that's Martin Scorsesse 0 Three 6 Mafia one". Not sure why, but I really like this line. Other than the best picture upset (go Canada go!) the rest of the show went pretty much as expected.

As for my exam on Friday, I can't believe I worried about it. The explanation of how to fill out the bubble sheet took longer than it took me to write the test. From the time I started to the time I finished, it was 5 minutes. No joke. Now I just have to wait for the letter telling me to attend my oath taking ceremony. I can't wait!

I hope everyone else enjoyed the show. What was your favourite moment?

Oh God. I'm starting to freak out about the bloody citizenship test. I know it'll be ok (my sister said it took her 15mins to write it) but I still can't help myself. I have a major phobia about writing tests that lots of people pass. I'm ok with exams for school and stuff, for some reason, I just feel more prepared but for "common knowledge" tets, I always freak a little. I keep thinking "If I fail, that means I'm not as smart as everyone else". I can't help it. It's the way my freakin' brain is wired. Is there a name for this???? I did read the study guide last night before going to bed (at 12:30) and I had dreams about Canada's confederation in 1867. I had finally fallen asleep at 1:30 when we start hearing a knock on the window. At first I didn't hear it but Dan woke up and said "Someone is hitting the window." I had a sudden realization that this was probably Claudia coming home. She must have lost her key again. Dan was really, really pissed. When I got up this morning he said he hadn't slept since she knocked on the window. I hope he's in a better mood tonight. We've got a date.

I'm trying to avoid coming back to work this afternoon after the exam. It's a beautiful day and I would rather spend the afternoon lounging at a coffee shop waiting for Dan rather than sitting in the office for 2 hours answering the phone which only rings once an hour on Friday afternoons. It might ring even less today because of the beautiful weather and the fact that the construction manager is off today.

Oh yeah, and now that I'm all hooked up with a stats counter, I was all excited to see what the keyword search thing brought up so that I could do a Friday Find Me. Weird thing is, nothing shows up. I guess I don't get too many hits from web searches.... :(

Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend! :)

I'm really not. But I did get my tax refund today. I did the responsible thing and paid some bills, put money aside for school and gave myself and after that, I'm almost broke again. The good thing is that I can almost see the light at the end of the tunel...almost.

I saw the newest rendition of Pride and Prejudice yesterday with BG. Though I tend to enjoy Austen adaptations because 1) I have a thing for period pieces and 2) I love a good love story, I quite expected to like this one too. However, I didn't expect to enjoy it quite this much. It's a beautiful film and though the directing is filled with quite a number of rip off shots from other directors but it was sooooooooooooo beautiful. I'm not sure how the Brits always manage to find the perfect Mr. Darcy but Matthew Macfadyen is perfect. At first appearance he's not an overly handsome man (you know what I mean...some guys, when you first see them, you're like "WOW") but as the movie progresses, he becomes more and more attractive. Not really of course but that was the impression I got. His good looks do warm up on you....good performance by Keira too though I'm not sure it's going to be enough to win her an Oscar, it definately creates a great, really enjoyable film. The closing scene left me with a warm, tingly feeling in my belly. :) Gotta love movies that do that to you. God how I love a good romance... *sigh*

I'm meeting one of my favourite profs for coffee tonight. Really looking forward to it too. When we last spoke he had made a connection with a children's book editor and was in the middle of writing a childrens book. Can't wait to hear all about it! I only hope the day goes quickly!